"They actually hear me and value what I am saying"

In my 40s, working most of my adult lives with those with additional needs or training those who work with them, I knew I was a little quirky, but actually thought I was broke due to depression. Following my teenage boys' diagnosis and spending time learning how to support them I thought ‘hang on?!’ Yep 39 years of age I was diagnosed with adhd!

Then began life. Over the last 15 months I am almost revisiting my past for a number of reasons, and also applying how adhd may have contributed to the success or demise of events, and boy has it had an impact, not that many believe you. Thinking it’s an excuse, or just ‘using it’. Although I champion additional needs and absolutely everyone I meet to be their true authentic self, neurospicy or not, diagnosed or just got an inkling, if we met people where they are in life and gave them value for who they actually are, mental health would be significantly greater in my opinion.

The world is aware, and wants us to be ourselves, but ‘could you toggle off x,y, and z?! But, x,y,and z are who I am, who you have told me to embrace… but that doesn’t fit the real world. The internal battle to either fight for myself, as I have done and continue to for my children, your children and any one else who has needed a crutch, or to just succumb, and accept the world doesn’t want who I actually am, and all my work I have done is actually pointless. To accept that I am broke and even after medication and therapy, I still struggle to function. To have those who are meant to love and care about me, use the traits of my condition to add to the already multiple layers of shame, guilt and embarrassment, missing my external struggles so have no real understanding of the absolute turmoil I feel inside.

I am a well educated woman and experienced in this SEND world and I have no idea how I am meant to figure out the path ahead of me, so how on earth are those less able, or younger meant to stand a chance in being who they are and being able to measure themselves against their own expectation of success?

Yes there are more people being diagnosed with adhd, what does it matter? If I was valued truly for who I am, and my value not only would I be on top of the world mentally, but in true typical adhd style my work output would be through the roof In all areas of my life.

Further to what adds to all of this is the lack of behaviour strategies that can be applied to life to help someone with neurodiversity to make positive changes themselves, to actually work with the science of the adhd mind. To help us build societies which not only accept we are all different, but also embrace them too.

Part of my journey I do owe to Hannah and Rebecca of the adhd team. Their patience with me since being diagnosed has been further than what typically you may expect, but they actually hear me and value what I am saying and experiencing, they have so pushed me to be me!

My children will always have me behind them, I am their biggest cheerleaders in life and I hope they grow into adulthood where there is more acceptance. My children have been supported by Calvin in CAMHs and we cannot shout Georgia's name any louder in someone who just ‘gets you’! She is amazing and spends time building a mutually respectful relationship with the boys and this is the biggest successor, just having someone to champion you!