"Mental health during and after my second pregnancy"

During and after my second pregnancy my mental health deteriorated significantly due to a combination of factors, being made redundant on my first day of work after I returned from maternity leave with my first child, problems within my relationship with my partner, feeling isolated and very alone, and worrying how I was going take care of a newborn baby as well my 2 year old when I felt I was basically going to be doing it on my own. 

After months of feeling low, isolated and alone, yet not wanting to be around people, being in company but “not really being there”, not having suicidal thoughts but just thinking I didn’t want to be here, days of uncontrollable crying and nights spent pacing the living room feeling trapped and helpless. And there was the physical side of it too, the same recurring nightmare of staring in to a pitch black, empty room and feeling terrified and trapped, then waking up to that same feeling and shaking violently, and that would last for an hour or so at a time. Multiple times a day I would have the feeling of blood rushing from my head down to my toes and a feeling of sheer dread and stomach lurches always followed.

Eventually after a bout of days of uncontrollable crying and emotions I decided that I needed to reach out for help because I knew it wasn’t something that I could deal with on my own anymore. I contacted my GP who then referred me to the Perinatal Unit. 

My first appointment was with Lynn and Fiona and it was quite intense, personal and emotional, but they both came across as very kind, caring and patient ladies that listened intently, but were professional at the same time. I came away from that first session feeling a little bit lighter just for getting how I felt out there. For the months following, Lynn listened and helped me identify what my main issues were and make changes/plans for going forward. I felt like I’d finally managed to get out of my own head, take a step back and see things from a different perspective. In doing so I felt so much more positive about myself and the future. Most importantly, I could see that I was doing not too bad a job parenting my kids and that there is no such thing as a perfect parent or way to raise them. My love for them pushed me to reach out so I could be better for them as well as myself. 

Also, I looked forward to Fiona’s home visits to teach baby massage and the caring chats in between visits with Lynn were greatly appreciated, and provided me with the knowledge on how to bond with my baby in a another way.

I know that if I hadn’t been referred to the Perinatal Unit, I would still be in a downward spiral, their help in getting “me” back has really been invaluable. My family and myself will be forever grateful.