"First baby and still haunted from my time in Altnagelvin"

I gave birth earlier this year , but have been advised to put my feelings into words to help process it and with hope that it is taken into consideration at Altnagelvin also. 

I gave birth via planned c-section which was the most lovely and calming experience. The theatre team and consultant were fantastic and we hold on to those precious memories of the birth of our longed for baby. After previous loss and a long journey to get here, it is so disappointing that the after care in the wards could be so poor and leave a lasting impact on my mental health and also that of my partner. 

The ward were not ready for my arrival after delivery, and made it very clear as we were wheeled in with the back and forth between unhappy staff as they threw a bed and bay together. It was also approaching a shift change and visiting time and my husband, holding our new baby with a bottle was left with no help or guidance whilst I lay vomiting in the bed into a basin and crying. I buzzed for some help and a midwife came to the door of the ward and shouted who buzzed?!... and proceeded to come over and flap about behind me at a button on the wall. I asked for water to which she turned and said she'd be back but not before saying I think we need to get some air in here and pulled the privacy curtain so that everyone and their visitors on the ward had full view of me being sick and upset as she left.

She never came back and my husband had to set our newborn down an hour later to go and get more sick basins for me. At 9pm I hit the buzzer again and a new midwife walked in, and I had to ask for some food. (I had given birth at 3.30pm, and was in the ward since 6pm). The horror on this midwifes face was obvious as she whispered have you been given no food yet?... I had not eaten all day since my fast in the morning and my section had been put back also. She was so apologetic and brought food as quick as she could but she admitted It had been left too long as the food was then making me sick as well and I was just vomiting yellow bile.

I was in complete distress at the thought of my husband leaving as he was made go (rules are rules) but with me being sick he was the only one helping with baby. I really struggled on my own and when I called for help in the early hours crying I will never forget a midwife's awful facial expression as she was coming in to do my obs anyway ..telling me alright alright calm down calm down and looking at me like I was an annoyance. I am genuinely haunted by her lack of empathy and at that moment I knew this was not going to get any better . She stayed no more than a minute and said someone would come back to help with baby. Someone came in, fed little baby a bobo and put her back into her crib all within 2-3 mins and then went. This just left me with an upset and vomiting baby again on my own who was bringing it all back up as they still had mucus to clear and it only compounded by feelings of utter despair. My husband was so distraught at the way he had to leave me he had to check into a hotel in Derry to just be as near as he could he could not drive home.

I was in for 2 days and when I asked for a new bed sheet for babies bed as they had vomited, I was given the sheet myself. The same happened on day 2 when my water bottled spilt over the entire bed for me, I changed my own bedsheet then too as it was just handed in. I was not given any breakfast on day 2 as I was in the toilet and they forget about me completely but thankfully had a protein bar in my bag. I can't even say it was busy, because the ward was not full and the room next door only had 1 lady in there too with spare beds, it just felt like a night they wanted to shut that door and not come in to help. The poor girl across from me who was a section prior to mine spent the whole first night on her own trying to breastfeed her very annoyed wee baby with no help, so much so that when her hubby came in the next day we heard them saying they'd best try a bottle.

From start to finish, my entire time on the ward was traumatic and lonely, and to be honest I felt grubby. We only had one toilet between all the ladies on the ward which their visitors used too so getting time to calmly shower was not on the cards either as carrying a catheter about slows you down too. I did not sleep for the 48 hours after my baby was born as I was completely alone in the looking after her outside of hubby's visiting hours and my stress hormones were sky high. I do want to mention some of the students though who were simply much kinder empathetic to us when they came round but it's simply not good enough. 

Less time spent filling in paperwork might go a long way to helping new mums and preserving their dignity and mental health. The personal touch in hospital felt completely gone. We will never have another baby after this experience because we do not have faith in our NHS maternity care, the model is broken.