"Crisis access line"

I don’t ring the crisis line very often as they don’t know me and I haven’t found them very helpful.

However I think I hit a new low with them yesterday and early this morning. 

Yesterday I rang as I was distressed. I have not been eating and sleeping and realised that I had missed quite a few days of medication. I was anxious about the night time and hearing the voice of my late father who has recently passed away. I felt that ringing would be helpful to get some advice about retaking my medication and a routine for the evening

When the call handler said that they were sorry to hear that my father had passed away, I realised that they didn’t know me and hadn’t read my notes or crisis plan. 

We hit a new low when they recommended that I rang the Silverline!! I asked if they were trauma informed and supported mental health distress and they kind of agreed with me that maybe that wasn’t a good idea.

A nurse rang me back and wasn’t clear about my meds. I felt more confused as she told me to just start taking them again but it had taken over a year to get to the level of meds I am now on as I am very sensitive to medication. So I didn’t retake them and thought I would ring my GP on Monday.

In the early hours I found myself dissociated and on the floor in the kitchen, wet from incontinence due to the trauma and my nightmare.

I spoke to someone who again didn’t know me and her advice was to ring back during the day and they would see how they could help me.

That was ok but it didn’t get me off the floor or as my crisis plan says to talk me through what I need to do to get clean and get back to bed, step by step.

I have a nasty wound that is being dressed and I can’t have a shower and I remember her keeping telling me to have a shower.

The call ended and I was pretty much still in the same place as before I had called.

I crawled to the lounge and curled up in a blanket on the sofa but did not sleep and feel awful this morning. I certainly don’t feel confident to ring and get support. They will just say that I am seeing a peer support worker tomorrow.

I was clear that I am hearing voices, hurting myself more and feeling suicidal. 

A few weeks ago the same thing happened. I spoke to a man who knew I had the means to hurt myself and was hurt on the floor in the kitchen. He did not ask how badly I was hurt or make sure that I was safe. I was left in the same place as before I rang.

The crisis team that I know would not do that and know me well enough to support me and keep me safe.

The crisis access line is not fit for purpose in my experience. It sometimes takes nearly an hour to get through to anyone and there is very little help and support. Time is not taken to read crisis plans or anything on your file. It clearly states that I would like to speak to a female but that is never actioned. The one time that it was, I waited 5 hours for a female to ring me back.

This service needs reviewing.