"Health Visitors non-supportive"

I have been asking for support for over a year for my lil boy, in that time I have paid for 3 assessments, the first because the first paediatrician kept asking me if I had a parenting assessment even though my partner and friends at the time were expressing concern. That assessment showed my son had possible SPD and dyspraxia. I was then told that this county does not recognise SPD, so I paid for another assessment to find out what difficulties he had. Turns out OT found he was sensory seeking and sensory avoidant, has hypermobility, low muscle tone and poor co-ordination. As paediatrician had mentioned some of my sons aggression could be down to the fact that he is forward, and others had commented regularly on how far ahead he was.

I had a scholarship awarded so that my son could have a learning potential assessment done. During this time, health visitors have been really unhelpful, constantly trying to blame my parenting, saying I have turned down support I hadn't been offered. I have been turned down by CAHMs twice because of my sons age. Recently, I have had a member of the adult team along with health visitor recommend my midwife to refer me to MASH. Mash came out closed case, now I have had adult team come out tell me they had had a professionals meeting, but most professionals I asked if they knew about it said no, then saying they would not call EHAF cause early years team were going to do a more I depth assessment, and that only support they could offer was to get someone teach me to parent, despite them all saying including health visitors it's not my parenting that my son has got ASD traits.

Now my latest health visitor has written to my GP claiming I have not attended appointments, when in reality I would get texts cancelling appointments. I had one at beginning of January of the morning of the appointment cancelling, then I heard nothing for 4 weeks. Then I received a letter the day after an appointment for my second infant I called the minute I received letter to try rearrange another appointment. It took two weeks for someone to contact me to tell me that the health visitor was not available, then I got a phone call arranging an appointment. I asked during phone call for my advocate to be present Health Visitor said " do they have to be there?" I said yes, and I got the response, " I will see if I can get a colleague to come with me too". During this phone call I was told they were wanting to call an EHAF because of assessments my sons been through. When I said I felt threatened and bullied I was told, no I wasn't. I then waited in on the day of the appointment. 5 mins before I the appointment I got voicemail saying can me and my colleague come some time that day. I had arranged for my advocate to be there at 10am in the morning as that's what time the appointment was arranged for, I called back but was only allowed to leave a message, and said I had waited in. I them received another voice mail mentioning 12: 30 which they had not, but suggested they would come 2pm. As I had another professional available they did not come. They had mentioned attending Gatefold that Monday. I then went to the appointment with another professional on the Monday to find out they were on holiday for a week. During that call, I asked to change health visitor as my advocate had also noted that this health visitor was dismissive, interrupted me when talking and changed subject. I believe the relationship is not positive, but I have still heard nothing. Nothing about health visitor, nor has another appointment been made to do my babies development review.

I went to GP as NORSACA had written to my GP a couple weeks before hand and at that appointment for him to tell me the Health visitor had written to him. He also showed me the letter from them saying I had not been attending appointments. I remember on the voice mail the Health visitor had said to me that they thought I didn't want anyone visiting. I had called back and say that wasn't the case that all I said was that I wanted an advocate present when they visited. All I have asked for is support, instead I have had the above, threats of SS, no support being offered, I have found a 123 magic parenting course starting next week if I can get appropriate childcare I will be attending and I am also going on a parenting course run by NORSACA next Tuesday. From what I can gather this health visitor has not read reports on my son though I may be wrong in this. But they would not let me email reports to them and they haven't asked the nursery he attends for them which is where they told me to give the reports and they would get them from there. They also did a visit at nursery without my knowledge I only got told afterwards.

I know the health visitor has been unwilling to talk to anyone else who knows my son, or read any testimonials from those who know my son. I am so disillusioned with the services in this county all I have had is threats, denials, despite asking for support constantly being told can't have any because my son has no diagnosis, and in reality the diagnosis is not what's important, it's support to help me be a better mum, to understand his SPD, to understand his behaviours.

The paediatrician has said generic parenting techniques will not work, I asked about 123 magic parenting, was told no as only CAHMs offer it, asked about early bird, contacted early bird who told me they don't offer it in Nottinghamshire, I am paying for my sons OT to help with his sensory difficulties because this county won't offer support for SPD. I don't want my son going through assessments unnecessarily, but what do you do when a psychologist has identified an issue the county says it won't do that assessment cause it doesn't recognise it. At the same time your told how clever your lil boy is and yes, he is he working a year above his chronological age, but no, instead because I paid for those assessments to try get my lil boy help and support. Instead, I get threatened with social services, letters with mis-representations of the truth, etc, This to me is not supporting a parent or her family,