"My story to help other people as much as I can"

For years and years I felt down- could not put my finger on it- had flashbacks when in bed- did not know what they meant- did not want to know- I could not get a bus- had to go everywhere in taxis- I felt paranoid- when I went on holiday- I thought people were staring- went to the crisis team- they gave me sleeping tablets- they did not help- I tried to kill myself with paracetamol - moved to my parents house - then I went to Highbury hospital and begged them for a bed- I was in for 6weeks last year.

I realised the flashbacks was because I was raped- I was depressed- I had voices- no one believes me- they threaten me- I try and block the voices out- I like to go out- if I did not go out I would go mad- I go to bed with headphones on. In Highbury I was put on medication diagnosis. I asked to see a psychiatrist and they said I would have to wait until I left hospital- another patient in the hospital gave me a number of a psychiatrist and I saw them a number of times to try and understand the voices - I do not have a CPN and I had 6 sessions of CBT- it did not help-I have an appointment with a psychiatrist at Highbury next week. I do some volunteering in a charity shop to get my confidence back since November. I went to a volunteer fair last year organised by the social inclusion and wellbeing team and that is how I got my volunteering job. I now feel confident and stronger than I have ever done- I feel like a different person. I went to a rape crisis center for counselling- I had an assessment but I chose not to have the counselling because I have admitted to myself that it happened and I can move on- I am working as a volunteer peer support worker at the moment organized by Sangita at social inclusion and I enrolled in the recovery college in January for 3 terms- I love it- meeting different people with similar experiences. I try to keep myself busy as part of my journey to recovery- I do have bad days if I stay in the house. I want to share my story to help other people as much as I can.