"A very rough night"

I've used the service before as suicidal thoughts aren't new to me.  It's actually part of my plan to call them or Samaritans when i get low to keep myself safe.  This night I called Breathing Space here in Scotland.

This particular night i'd already taken steps to a place where I could carry out suicide.  That's not normal for me.  Circumstances at home had escalated very quickly and I was not able to cope.

The response I got was actually startling.  The woman on the phone was very firm with me which wasn't what I expected.  However, it was exactly what I needed at that moment.  She, quite literally, saved my life.  Had she been softer in her responses....I don't know if that would have helped.  What she said stung, but in a way that brought me back to myself.  It wasn't mean, it was honest and to the point.  She stayed on the phone after I got home to talk about avenues to get help, how I was coping in the circumstances outside of that evening, and made sure I made a cup of tea during it all.  She did more for me than I can even say.  Yes, she talked me down from the proverbial ledge but she also made sure I was calm and had resources to look into the next day before we got off the phone.

I'm so thankful this service exists and honestly I wish more providers were as honest as she was. Too many skirt the truth to not upset the person, which is right for many.  For me, that honesty was exactly what I needed.

So thank you to her.  I with I remembered her name but I'm terrible with names at the best of times.  She is a wonderful human who I will never forget.